


What He Did, What He's Done, What He Can Do No Longer

by bluestring14



Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, Avengers: Endgame (Movie), Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Spoilers, Bring some tissues, F/M, Irondad, Parent Tony Stark, Sad, Tony Stark-centric, just a tinge of swearing, not sure, possible PTSD, spiderson
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-24
Updated: 2019-05-24
Packaged: 2020-03-13 17:52:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,895
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18945919
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bluestring14/pseuds/bluestring14
Summary: "If you died, I feel like that's on me."When Tony found a way to bring Peter Parker back, was making the decision to save him an easy one?





	What He Did, What He's Done, What He Can Do No Longer

**Author's Note:**

> Warning: Avengers Endgame spoilers alert and you may also want some tissues just in case.

“I did it.”

The words on Tony’s lips never tasted so bittersweet.

“I did it, Pepper. I figured it out. Time travel.” Tony said then slumped and sank into the space right beside Pepper. “I did it.”

The corner of Pepper’s lips tugged upward, her mouth forming a small smile.

It was a habit she’d grown to have over the years. Whenever he’d say those words, she smiled to show him how proud she was of him.

She smiled when he announced to the world that he was going to leave a legacy different from his father’s by being Iron Man. She smiled after he helped her with the Extremis incident. She smiled when he told her that the earth was alien free. She smiled when he told her that he convinced Fury to recruit Spiderman and then convinced Spiderman to be a member of the Avengers. She smiled - beamed - at him when he held their daughter in his arms.

Her pride showed itself during every moment he unintentionally broke the barriers he built in his childhood, revealing the man who she always believed was worthy of the world’s praise and admiration.

“Yeah, you did Tony.”

Her words tasted as bittersweet as his.

She knew that solving the time traveling dilemma meant. She knew that it meant him slipping from her fingers like all those times before. Like water’s nature of always having to move from one point to the next no matter how much you hold on to it. Cupped hands are futile to overflowing water just as Pepper’s hands are futile to the brilliant thoughts of her husband overflowing from his mind.

But she also knew, even if it pained her to admit it, that because he figured it out, he can now take the next steps to getting back the very person who left him with sleepless nights and after all is done, rest well in the bed that they share.

“You did it, Tony,” Pepper repeated, her voice barely a whisper.

Tony glanced at Pepper who was marveling at his work and smiled at the thought of how lucky he was to have her in his life.

Following where her eyes focused on, however, he was also made aware of how easy it was to lose her.

Now that he solved the time travel dilemma he knew that he will be forced to choose and if he didn’t choose her or his daughter, it meant that tonight may be the last night he may ever see his daughter. It meant that tonight may be the last time he may ever hear her voice or ever be told that he was loved 3000 more times than anyone else.

“I can’t save everyone.”

He said out loud, his words directed more to himself than to his wife. He was convincing his heart that the selfish thoughts he had were worth the benefit of the doubt. In fact, he almost didn’t regret thinking those thoughts and for wanting to be selfish from the world. He deserved to live out the rest of his life happily and peacefully.

The world owed him that much for taking so much from him.

Pepper bit her tongue to stop herself from agreeing.

A part of her wanted to keep him all to herself even the world kept reminding her that he wasn’t hers to keep. Fate and chance made sure to keep her in check too, knocking at her door every once in a while.

“It sort of seems like you can,” she grabbed his hand and rubbed on his knuckles.

Tony shifted his attention from his wife to his creation.

_When you can do the things that I can_

“Not if I stop. I can put a pin in it right now and stop.”

_But you don’t_

“Something tells me I should put it in a locked box and drop it at the bottom of a lake, and go to bed.”

_And then the bad things happen_

“But would you be able to rest?”

_They happen because of you._

Peter’s words gnawed at Tony, appearing at the most opportune at the most inopportune moment.

Tony sank deeper into the pillows in defeat.

How tragic must it sound to be defeated by an abundance of chances and choices rather than a lack of them.

At that moment, gazing at her husband, Pepper had a feeling that the odds were in favor even after she said her piece.

If he did choose not to answer the world’s calling, their daughter would grow up with a father and a mother to guide her and be there for her. Pepper would be able to grow old with him and she, in turn, would let him do what he wanted without her worrying that the next time he left the house it could might as well be another farewell.

The silence that followed after Pepper’s question lasted too long for her comforts to the point that she wanted to wake her daughter up and let her daughter do her magic.

Morgan had this talent of convincing Tony not to push through with his plans. She had a way of tugging at fate’s heartstrings whenever the world asked for his assistance like when Rhodey came, when Fury called, and even when the closest people Tony knew begged him to help the world achieve a sense of normalcy again. All those times, all Morgan had to do was to take her father’s hand. She led him away from the world and closer to them. For some reason too, fate nor chance never asked for collateral or payment whenever she did this.

“Tony?”

Tony emerged from the pillows.

Pepper gasped, all the reasons she wanted to tell him, evaporating in thin air.

It only dawned on her, when she looked even closer at her husband, did she become aware of the fact that she barely recognized him.

The man she knew like the back of her hand, the man who always stood by what he did, the man who was burdened with the world yet carried it like it weighed nothing more than a feather, the man who’d lost too much, was reduced by war and death to nothing more than _a man, lost_.

“Go,” she told him.

Tony perked up upon hearing her.

“They need you,” she said, doing what she always did best: letting him do what he was destined for even if she was against it.”

“Do it, Tony.”

* * *

  
_‘Mr. Stark, I don’t feel so good. I don’t know what’s happening. I don’t want to go. I don’t want to go. I don’t go . . . I’m sorry.’_

“I’m sorry kid!”

Tony’s hands grabbed his chest. His breaths were quick and heavy. His shirt soaked in sweat. When he ran a shaky hand over his face, he felt wetness on his cheeks. Just when he thought five years of mourning had squeezed him dry.

“Hey, boss?”

A silhouette appeared by the doorway.

Romanoff.

One word and he knew it couldn’t be anyone else.

“You all good here?”

In the moonlight, he saw her silhouette move toward him.

“Yeah.” He cleared his throat and wiped the tears off his cheeks. “I’m good. Good! Great, in fact.”

His words were devoid of life and meaning.

Deep breath in, deep breath out, he thought as he tried to self-sooth, his eyes closed.

“You sure?”

Tony opened his eyes, exasperated. Tilting his head up, he caught a glimpse of her still slinking towards him.

“Yes.” He tried to add some authority in his tone. “You should go back to bed Agent Romanoff. It’s a big day tomorrow. Time travel. I bet you’ve never done that before. Then again, no one has either.”

Tony pulled at his sleeve before continuing.

“Something you can put under special skills.”

Romanoff’s shadow came over him.

“When was the last time you talked about him to anyone? The kid.” She took the spot beside him. “Do you want to-”

“-I don’t-” Tony shook his head. “I don’t - I don’t want to.”

His breath hitched in his throat.

“I can’t.”

He tried once before but his lips did not permit what his brain commanded. For once, the famous Tony Stark who always gave a piece of his mind didn’t - no, couldn’t - share his thoughts on something.

But then again, he’s all but talkative recently.

Not a peep came from him when Pepper asked him why he put his and Peter’s framed photo by the sink. No words escaped his lips when his daughter asked who owned the stuff in the garage: all the Spiderman costume prototypes, the certificates Peter garnered in school, and even Peter’s first Spiderman suit. He didn’t even call out the kid’s name when he found himself standing by the lake, mistaking the birds’ chirps as the kid’s enthusiastic call to him.

“You have to,” Tony felt his and Romanoff’s knees bump. “It’s part of-”

“-don’t you tell me it’s part of the stages of grief bullshit,” he huffed.

He wasn’t in the mood for another lecture.

After the snap, he underwent the five stages of grief more times than he could count. He ate denial like it was breakfast and swallowed acceptance like it was a sleeping pill. But no matter how many times he went through those stages, he still couldn’t get the image and the words of the kid - in pain and pleading for his life - out of his head.

“I wasn’t going to.”

Tony sighed, burying his head in his hands.

“I lost the kid. I did it.”

The words left a sour taste in Tony’s mouth but took a weight off of his chest.

He had wanted to say these words out loud to someone who cared. He wanted to tell it to someone who understood and agreed with him instead of telling him he was wrong. He wanted to hear that person tell him that he was right, that it was his fault why the kid’s gone.

In all honesty, he half-expected Romanoff to say that it wasn’t his fault like the rest of them did but surprisingly, she stayed silent.

Romanoff had decided to give him that night. She indulged in his unspoken wishes because she knew what it felt like to wallow in all the bad things she did and confess it like a sinner to a priest. Only in this case, there was no promise of absolution or forgiveness. Just guilt, nightmares, and thoughts keeping you up at night of how much you’d changed for the worse.

“I did it. I did it. I lost the kid.” Tony muttered to himself repeatedly as if saying those words were a form of catharsis.

“Tony,” Romanoff reached out to him only to retreat her hand back to her chest. “It-it wasn’t your fault.”

Tony whipped his head to stare at her in disbelief, waiting for her to swallow those words.

But she didn’t.

She had made a mistake. That short moment of silence? She realized that Tony didn’t deserve that. She and Tony weren’t the same. He wasn’t a killer. He was a victim, a victim who so happened to have had an unfortunate experience and no one to blame it all on anymore now that Thanos is dead.

“Take that back.”

“I won’t.”

“No, you, I thought-” Tony ran a hand through his hair before an accusing finger at her. “I thought that you out of all people would’ve understood! I could’ve, god, I could’ve forced him to stay behind -”

“-You could’ve lost him either way-”

“- I could’ve pulled the gauntlet faster. I could’ve stopped Thanos from taking all the stones -”

“-Tony, this isn’t all on you-”

“-Why does it feel like it is?”

Tony swallowed and picked at his sleeve once more before standing up and walking away from the bed towards the window.

“Why,” his voice cracks, “does it feel like I have the whole world depending on me?”

“Because they are.” Romanoff followed suit. “And because you’re you. You refuse to let things go by without trying.”

She planted herself by his side.

“And whether you like it or not, Cap must’ve rubbed off on you,” she placed a hand on his shoulder., “so did that kid.”

The words she said earned a smirk from both of them.

 _That kid_ , Tony thought, _I don’t deserve that kid_.

That kid who was the first to refuse a gift he offered as well as the opportunity to finally have widespread recognition for all his efforts. That kid who chose to be a friendly neighborhood superhero in Queens. That kid whose goal wasn’t always to save the world but to tag alongside him and on some occasions, save his ass. That kid who taught him that looking at the details does matter and that it’s not always about helping the whole of humanity but standing up for the little guy.

That kid who, right now needed his help.

After all that Peter’s done for him, the extent of how much he helped change Tony’s life for the better, Tony decided that it was time to take the kid’s advice to heart. It’s time to fight for the little guy, Peter, who everyone except for Tony, considered as the smallest, youngest and seemingly insignificant member of the Avengers.

If saving Peter meant that he would have to embrace the part of himself who refused to stop trying, then the kid can damn well sure that he won’t stop giving his best just to bring him back. 

* * *

 

“I did it.”

Tony thought, his ears barely registering the words that came out of Peter’s mouth.

He did it. He got the kid back.

He was right there in front of his eyes, flesh and blood, alive and alright.

It didn’t matter to Tony that he figured out time travel or that he outsmarted Thanos.

All that mattered at that moment was Peter.

“Hold me kid, hold me.”

Taking the kid by his shoulders and pulling him into a tight hug, Tony felt his breath hitch. First, out of disbelief. Second, out of job. Third, in utmost gratefulness to whoever god listened to prayers and decided to tell fate that this was the one thing he shouldn’t fuck up in life.

“Oh, this is nice.”

He heard the kid say. He chuckled in response.

After all, Tony wasn’t one to show physical affection, Pepper and Morgan aside.

But the kid, he was all for it: the pats, the thumps, and on occasion, only to annoy Peter, a ruffling of the hair. Peter was always so patient with him even after Tony shot down his first hug with the kid, telling him that they weren’t at that level in their relationship yet.

In fact, for a split second, Tony felt worried that Peter wouldn’t respond to his hug, but like always he was proven wrong.

Peter and his big hear was more than ready to welcome Tony with open arms and even a lighthearted comment to boot.

Exactly what the world needs, Tony thought.

Tony wanted to freeze time right there and then or to ignore all of the things happening around them but an explosion erupted behind them and they had no choice to go back to reality.

“Go kid,” he urged, aware that everyone still needed him to fight.

He kissed the kid’s cheek, patted him on his shoulder, then watched as he swung away to do his duties as an Avenger.

“We’ll catch up later,” he shouted in hopes Peter would hear.

What he didn’t realize, however, was that later came sooner than he expected.

After battling long and hard for the gauntlet, Tony slowly felt hope slipping through his fingers as he watched Thor and Captain Marvel attempting to separate Thanos and the stones.

He desperately looked for Strange, the last string of hope, the one who will tell him if this war was worth the fight.

A lone finger from the man was an answer enough.

So, despite the feeling of his armor weighing him down, Tony stood and charged at Thanos for the second time in his life, knowing that death was more than just a possibility now but an assurance. With a quick swipe of his hand, he aimed to grab the stones, knowing fully well that if he were to wield them this was it.

Thanos threw him hard across the stones but Tony didn’t mind the pain anymore.

While Thanos was still distracted he quickly made use of his armor to create a makeshift gauntlet for him to wear. As he put the stones one by one, he looked around, taking in the scene right in front of him.

The sight of Pepper fighting alongside the Avengers, his comrades battling the aliens, Thanos laughing triumphantly, and Peter who was bloodied and bruised, leaning against one of the stones.

It didn’t take long before Tony felt the surge of both power and pain in his body.

From his periphery, he could see them staring at him, especially Peter who didn’t know what was happening.

_If you died, I feel like that’s on me._

Goodbye, kid.

“I am Iron Man.”

* * *

 

“Mr. Stark? Hey, Mr. Stark. Can you hear me? It’s Peter. We won, Mr. Stark. We won, Mr. Stark. Come on, you did it sir, you did it.”

_I did it._

 

**Author's Note:**

> Hello everyone! This is my first fanfic for this fandom and I am so excited to write some more! Feel free to follow me on Tumblr (@alwaysafanficwriter) for teasers of upcoming Marvel fanfics or posts of Marvel. Will definitely appreciate constructive criticism and comments of course :) Let me know what you think!


End file.
